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Mother Blessings Circles

The women gather in the early evening. They wear their best clothes. Their faces radiate health and excitement. They have come together to honor and support a dear friend of theirs who is pregnant. They have come to her Blessing-way.

They chat for a while, catching up, introducing themselves. Then the women sit in a circle, some on chairs, some on the floor. A bowl of rose water is brought in and one friend washes the mother's feet, purifying and preparing her for the evening, for her birth. Another friend brushes her hair. Another brings raspberry tea.

One woman calls for everyone's attention. They hold hands, completing the circle. "As we gather here today in this circle of sisters, we come to bless our friend. We thank all our sisters, in spirit and in flesh who join us. We hold the intention that our voices are true and out hearts pure. Blessed be."

The blessings begin, each woman sharing her love for the mother-to-be. Each friend telling her how they feel, what blessings they wish for her and her baby and the gifts she has brought to their lives. Each woman holds a heart-shaped amethyst as she speaks. There are tears and laughter. Each woman writes her blessings in a spiral-bound blank book. Mother can add photos, entries or the birth story later.

At the end the mother speaks. She is deeply touched by this outpouring of love. She tells of her fears and concerns about birth, and of her thankfulness for her family and friends.

A friend sings a lullaby to the baby and then everyone sings a song to the mother. Then it is time to eat cake and drink tea. Hugs and fond farewells. The ceremony is over but the blessings have only begun to work their magic.

A mother blessing circle or blessing-way is a specific ritual. It's much more than a baby shower. Even the gifts tend to be more personal such as a nursing nightgown for mom or a gift certificate for massage or postpartum care or a commitment to bring food after the baby is born.

While traditional baby showers have some similarities, blessing ways go much deeper. It's like the difference between getting a card for your birthday or being taken out to a special dinner. Baby showers focus on the stuff rather than the feelings. Experienced mothers give something that worked for them such as a bouncy chair. Childless friends tend to give cute clothes supporting the romantic ideas of mothering. Advice is freely given whether it's asked for or not. Often, women feel unsatisfied with showers that focus on getting stuff and feeding fantasies. They feel that they have to put on a happy face to their friends even when they are burning with questions and anxiety. Instead, a blessing-way is a sharing of experiences and an incredible opportunity for a woman to be deeply supported by her community as she prepares for birth and motherhood.

I see more and more women wanting a blessing way. They instinctively seek out the more spiritual acknowledgment of their passage through pregnancy and birth. It is powerful to be honored and supported by your friends and family in a very direct and intentional way. Knowing you have a community standing with you makes the blessing of having a child even more special.

Most mother blessing circles create a symbol of their collective hopes and love for the mother-to-be. One idea is to make a necklace strung with a bead and a wish from each woman in attendance. The mother can wear it as she labors and be physically reminded of her friends support. After birth it will always remind the family of the blessing circle.

Blessing-ways, by their very design, should be tailored to the individual women. One woman may want the focus more on the baby and ask the group to make a quilt. Another women may need more direct support so making something from clay that she can hold in labor may work better for her. Anything that brings the circle together with the intention of blessing mother and baby will work.

If you are pregnant or have a dear friend who is, consider giving her a Blessing-Way. It could be the most meaningful gift she and her baby receive.

Printed in The Boulder Planet (1997) and in Family Connections (2001)